How to do what you can to raise ideal kids who are good to themselves, their parents and good company to others
This is my noble aim. I will deliver it in the 3rd person omniscient narration literary style. That carries with it apparent greater gravity, significance and objective authority. What is said, however, will remain mere passing notes - inherently built around personal opinion, perhaps misguided, or not thought out fully, and at times - certainly - wrong. But even a clock which is stopped is correct two times a day.
First lesson
Your child might be a boy or a girl. It is unlikely to be a coconut, a pig or even an elephant. In many ways raising boys and girls is the same task. Food, shelter, education, health, companionship and love.
Whateverit she is (for this lesson I will use male or female as the mood takes me), for her comfort, enjoyment, to be able to be easily liked and enjoyed, to be good company, to give and receive equally, and to encourage others to wish to enjoin, spend time, assist, and indeed love, you must ensure the child gains an outward focus.
Inherently introspective living is boring, tedious, and not enjoyable to others. Family, friends and even parents will find the child who is encouraged to be or permitted to be too introspective, will be shunned.
Some honest reasonable endeavours will be made by those close, but after family, that's about it. Psychologists may be brought in, but they will only be there as paid help. Guidance might be good, but won't cure the adverse impact you, as parents, will cause by permitting your child to be unhappy company.
Have you noticed that many children suffering from disabilities are great and loving company, and very pleasant to be with? So it isn't a matter of whether or not you have a physical or intellectual deficit, but rather, how you see the world, and (for this essay) whether you see yourself as the centre of the universe.
Encourage outward thinking. Encourage contemplation of others.
Devices used in some families help achieve that by embracing courtesy, generosity, and willingness to participate.
The child taught and held to account to be courteous and helpful to others, that child will readily be embraced and loved.
Have you noticed that people love their dogs? Why is that? Because the dog is happy to see you, and enjoys your company, and wants to do things with you. It doesn't complain. Even with a broken leg it tries to walk and run. I don't advise breaking your dog's leg or seeking out a dog with a broken leg. Take my word for it.
So, metaphorically, encourage your child to wag her tail. To have eye contact. To be willing to lean up against other people, and to want to be patted. To be held close and thereby loved.
An example is the winging child.
A child may winge because of discomfort, or pain. In that case it is your duty to attempt to remove the cause to alleviate the symptom.
But if the child is winging without apparent physical cause, you may be the contributing cause, and you have to amend your conduct.
Indulgence. Do not indulge your child. He may seek to be indulged, but you must also be the teacher and authoritarian. You do not take lessons from the child in how to raise children.
If you permit the child to winge, unhampered, and encourage that conduct by molly coddling the child, it will learn that being unhappy company is rewarded. And the lesson will encourage the poor conduct.
The result is that the parent and the child will learn together to repeat the bad conduct, because both will find they become isolated. The child will not be wanted by others. The parent (perhaps not realising they have caused this, or maybe understanding at some inherent level and feeling guilt) is thus the last man standing, and instead of taking the role of supervisor, becomes a molly coddler him/herself.
Of course, a new born baby might be some time and space away from being 'brung up right' - initial duties of the parent will be feed, cloth, keep warm and house the child. But the negative conduct can start between the parents at a very early stage. Remember the benefit of the two parent family. Behave to each other and with each other the same way you will wish your child to behave when it is old enough to choose. That is surprisingly soon.
So, the lesson is: encourage good enjoyable company, outward vision, thought of the comfort and joy of other people, and the child (and the parent) will be welcomed into the homes of others, friends and family will wish to call in and will help the process. Everyone will learn the benefit of being enjoyable company.
If there is another lesson, have a short look at yourself in the cold hard light of day, in the hall of mirrors, and if necessary, adjust your (perhaps long held) conduct - the one you learnt when not being adequately programmed by your parents. Become more extrospective. You lesson to your child will be learned by him observing how you behave.
Love, light and peace.
April 2019
First lesson
Your child might be a boy or a girl. It is unlikely to be a coconut, a pig or even an elephant. In many ways raising boys and girls is the same task. Food, shelter, education, health, companionship and love.
Whatever
Inherently introspective living is boring, tedious, and not enjoyable to others. Family, friends and even parents will find the child who is encouraged to be or permitted to be too introspective, will be shunned.
Some honest reasonable endeavours will be made by those close, but after family, that's about it. Psychologists may be brought in, but they will only be there as paid help. Guidance might be good, but won't cure the adverse impact you, as parents, will cause by permitting your child to be unhappy company.
Have you noticed that many children suffering from disabilities are great and loving company, and very pleasant to be with? So it isn't a matter of whether or not you have a physical or intellectual deficit, but rather, how you see the world, and (for this essay) whether you see yourself as the centre of the universe.
Encourage outward thinking. Encourage contemplation of others.
Devices used in some families help achieve that by embracing courtesy, generosity, and willingness to participate.
The child taught and held to account to be courteous and helpful to others, that child will readily be embraced and loved.
Have you noticed that people love their dogs? Why is that? Because the dog is happy to see you, and enjoys your company, and wants to do things with you. It doesn't complain. Even with a broken leg it tries to walk and run. I don't advise breaking your dog's leg or seeking out a dog with a broken leg. Take my word for it.
So, metaphorically, encourage your child to wag her tail. To have eye contact. To be willing to lean up against other people, and to want to be patted. To be held close and thereby loved.
An example is the winging child.
A child may winge because of discomfort, or pain. In that case it is your duty to attempt to remove the cause to alleviate the symptom.
But if the child is winging without apparent physical cause, you may be the contributing cause, and you have to amend your conduct.
Indulgence. Do not indulge your child. He may seek to be indulged, but you must also be the teacher and authoritarian. You do not take lessons from the child in how to raise children.
If you permit the child to winge, unhampered, and encourage that conduct by molly coddling the child, it will learn that being unhappy company is rewarded. And the lesson will encourage the poor conduct.
The result is that the parent and the child will learn together to repeat the bad conduct, because both will find they become isolated. The child will not be wanted by others. The parent (perhaps not realising they have caused this, or maybe understanding at some inherent level and feeling guilt) is thus the last man standing, and instead of taking the role of supervisor, becomes a molly coddler him/herself.
Of course, a new born baby might be some time and space away from being 'brung up right' - initial duties of the parent will be feed, cloth, keep warm and house the child. But the negative conduct can start between the parents at a very early stage. Remember the benefit of the two parent family. Behave to each other and with each other the same way you will wish your child to behave when it is old enough to choose. That is surprisingly soon.
So, the lesson is: encourage good enjoyable company, outward vision, thought of the comfort and joy of other people, and the child (and the parent) will be welcomed into the homes of others, friends and family will wish to call in and will help the process. Everyone will learn the benefit of being enjoyable company.
If there is another lesson, have a short look at yourself in the cold hard light of day, in the hall of mirrors, and if necessary, adjust your (perhaps long held) conduct - the one you learnt when not being adequately programmed by your parents. Become more extrospective. You lesson to your child will be learned by him observing how you behave.
Love, light and peace.
April 2019
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